This study always strikes me strange. It was discussed on “Grownish” as well. The reason is because I was on OK Cupid for a couple of months and got contacted by some of everybody. I ended up with one of those emails saying I was in the “top attractive” or “top popular” or some superficial stuff like that. I matched up with a guy on Match who was also not black and dated him off and on for a couple of months.

But physically I fit the description of the kind of women who would be shunned: dark skin, definitely not matching the ideal BMI for my height, black features, etc. I do have the relaxer and all, but this study troubled me for a different reason. It was too often pushed out there and too many black women felt like they didn’t have a chance. It was like saying, “You’re ugly, don’t bother,” and I’m clearly saying, “Um, yeah, bother if you want to.” It was a fun run, and I probably won’t ever do it again. First dates are just kind of annoying to me. But it wasn’t nearly the bummer it sounds like it was for black women.

I didn’t go onto the site looking for non-black men to date. I’m more focused on who I can get along with, who has similar political views and reasonable views on women. If I get over that hump, then I take the idea of dating the guy seriously. My biggest problem wasn’t race; it was men who wanted to have more children. Now women who don’t want to ever have kids will have a hard time on dating sites altogether.

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Check out her five Medium publications: Doggone World, Homegrown, I Do See Color, Tickled and We Need to Talk. Visit Shamontiel.com to read about her.

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