This is an interesting take. When I read the first couple of sentences, I was thinking, “She’s not going to get this.” But then I kept reading and went, “Oh wait, she really does get it.” (You’re wilding for ironing your hair with an actual iron. That sounds like Burn Central.) I always think people with naturally curly hair look like their hair is “done” all the time. If I had Tia and Tamera Mowry’s hair, I’d just walk around like that all day long. I love Tia’s gray hair.

But I also learned how much maintenance goes into it when I dated a guy (almost positive he was Puerto Rican) with hair sorta like theirs. I don’t know how in the world I convinced him to let me wash his hair. All I know is I washed his hair exactly like I washed mine, and it tangled so badly that I had to cut at least 3 inches of it out. However, his hair was so long that you wouldn’t even notice. I felt so terrible and apologized profusely. It was a major lesson learned for me about how curly hair is far more complex than I thought.

Having several white roommates who washed their hair every other day also seemed like a nuisance to me. Meanwhile they were amazed that I only washed my hair every couple of weeks — and were a little perplexed until they fully understood the difference in texture and why oiling my scalp is necessary. No matter which woman I talk to about hair, there are some highs and then there are some lows.

But listening to those two women (in my intro) talk about natural hair as if it was the only right option made me reevaluate every single time I internally judged someone for wearing weave. At some point, I realized it’s not my job to like your hair. It’s only my job to like mine. After that, my job is done.