Part 2:

Never mentioned him apologizing: Yeah, not in that comment, but he apologized plenty — only to do something else. He’d stop one thing and then another and another. If you are someone who has never had black friends growing up and grew up in a FOX News household, there’s some stuff you just don’t know. But I’m only going to explain the offenses but so many times. I wrote about him here in “Biracial and (not) proud” if you’re interested.

That’s why I understood why you tried to explain to your exes the issues that you had. I’ve hung out with a pretty diverse crew/staff. I distinctly recall a conversation I had with an Asian editor who took offense to this news story that neither of us wrote. It was about the 214 plane crash (in 2013), but the headline said “Fright 214.” I literally took it as a frightening plane crash named 214. She caught on that it could’ve been making fun of Asians for the “r” versus “l” linguistic issue. I genuinely didn’t catch the double entendre of the headline. She had to explain it to me because she was used to that kind of offense. If you’re not, it may not catch your eye.

Meanwhile, I remember arguing with her about a Reuters story that came out and talked about how black women don’t wash their hair for 1–2 weeks because “dirty hair holds styles better.” She shrugged and saw nothing wrong with it. This is what I mean about people genuinely just not knowing something is offensive. In her mind, 1–2 weeks is a long ass time to not wash your hair and she thought, “Well, it is dirty.” Meanwhile I contacted every single editor on the floor to change that story and finally just edited it myself so it didn’t show up on our site or any sister site. I lost my shit about it, and she huffed off and told me I was making a big deal out of nothing. Even using the “Fright 214” example to explain it to her didn’t work. This is what I mean about people just living in their own ignorance. Sometimes they really just do not know better because it’s not their world.

Instances like this — when you really just don’t know the offense — I’ll more often than not be patient enough to explain. I’ll give you one shot to “fix” it. If you keep doing the same thing menacingly, I part ways.

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Check out her five Medium publications: Doggone World, Homegrown, I Do See Color, Tickled and We Need to Talk. Visit Shamontiel.com to read about her.

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