I’ve already talked about how I felt regarding beauty standards in a post I wrote on “That scientific study that …” blah blah blah. I’m not here to promote it. I am, however, here to say, “Good for you for not just following random trends.” An old boss of mine told me once that the minute she dyed her hair blonde, people treated her altogether different. Mind you, she was still the same weight, same build, same widow, same everything else. But hair made people more polite to her. I thought that was bizarre. I once wrote an article for another publication about whether black men prefer black women with natural hair, relaxers or weaves. None really knew the difference and said, “I just want it to be neat.” All separate interviews. And no one I was trying to sleep with so they weren’t trying to save face. Meanwhile women had super strong opinions about what men like. And I couldn’t help but think, “Are we doing all this s**t to our hair to please other women? Because men clearly are not paying much attention.”

Now initially I would’ve went with that. But I’m also the host of a storytelling series, and I listened to a man talk about how this one blonde woman rejected him during his teen years. He said from that point on he was intimidated by blondes and “Married a brunette because they don’t intimidate me at all.” Not only did I find that as a blow to the face to all the white women who were brunettes in the audience (note: I have never in my life heard black women refer to each other as “blondes/brunettes” etc. we usually discuss “relaxers/weaves/naturals/curly” but not color). But it just made brunettes seem like they were somehow beneath a blonde. I shook my head and just stared at him, not clapping at the end of his story. He’d be good friends with your rude beautician.

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Check out her five Medium publications: Doggone World, Homegrown, I Do See Color, Tickled and We Need to Talk. Visit Shamontiel.com to read about her.

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