I thought about this recently. Saturday actually. I was headed to a meeting and a member couldn’t get in the building. All of a sudden I started getting emails and then a random text message from an unfamiliar number. My phone was on silent so I had no idea until 20 minutes in and couldn’t leave. I tapped someone else to see if he could answer the door. But that was important to me for a different reason. I have been (in the past) one of those folks who made excuses for a guy not returning an email or text or being “too busy.” But here is this perfect stranger I have talked to less than a handful of times in cordial conversation who was so determined to come to this meeting that he somehow figured out how to get my phone number and emailed me. He even came to the other side of the building to see if someone would hear him there.

Although that guy was absolutely positively not a romantically linked person to me (he’s married; not trying to insinuate anything outside of that), it proves a stronger point. If men want to reach you, they will. (Same for women.) We start making excuses about how someone must have “forgotten” or “didn’t know” when the reality is if people want to reach out, they can always find a way. I’ve learned this time and time again with a name like mine. I’ve lost count of the number of times someone has found me on Facebook or sent me a message on my website simply from looking me up. (It’s not like there are a lot of “Shamontiel” in the world.) Still, even being fully aware of that, I can still think of at least two or three guys where I created all kinds of imaginary reasons about why they “didn’t know how to reach me.” Truth is: They simply didn’t want to.

Once you face that kind of reality, you save yourself a lot of stress and move on. I still haven’t figured out how the guy got my number. We exchanged emails and he thanked me for helping him get inside, but he simply told me to save the number so I’d recognize it if he was late again. Simple. Easy. No excuses needed.

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Check out her five Medium publications: Doggone World, Homegrown, I Do See Color, Tickled and We Need to Talk. Visit Shamontiel.com to read about her.

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