I think your advice is absolutely on point. I was on OKCupid and Match last winter (2017–2018, I mean) and I definitely wasn’t very specific. One reason is because my name is so unique that it wouldn’t take but two seconds to find me, so I used a nickname. Second reason was because I thought I was being “open” to a variety of people. But I ended up dating one guy for a couple months who simply sent a message saying, “You seem down to Earth.” Meanwhile I’d clearly put on my profile “no Trump supporters and no one who doesn’t vote.” I asked him in person about the upcoming election and he laughed and said, “Why would I care? Who votes?!” He hadn’t read a word I wrote.

And on several more occasions, I found that men simply do not read the profiles. They look at images, they “like” and they’re done. I can count on one hand in the three months I was on those sites the amount of times people actually read the profiles. One guy (the one who I wrote about in my most recent post “Stop enabling liars”) said he liked dogs. As a dog owner, I thought that was amazing. I mentioned it in person. He said he doesn’t really like dogs, but “People who say they don’t like dogs will get clowned. I just said I liked them ’cause I know women like that sort of thing.”

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Check out her five Medium publications: Doggone World, Homegrown, I Do See Color, Tickled and We Need to Talk. Visit Shamontiel.com to read about her.

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