I think the biggest lesson I learned about when it comes to relationships and dating was from my younger self. I was looking for a particular date in an old journal and couldn’t find it. So I just kept reading through old journal entries hoping I’d mentioned the calendar date I was looking for. That put me in a rabbit hole of past exes and folks I dated. And I was scowling and yelling out “What a dumbass” at my own journal entries. I just couldn’t believe I gave some of these dudes the time of day. It was wild to see the patterns of who I kept giving chance after chance after chance. I would’ve handled it better had it been one guy. But Guy #2, #3 and #4 were doing the same goofy s — t, and I was just conveniently ignoring these red flags slapping me in the face. I think I would’ve saved myself some time and a boatload of stress if I’d have walked on by or changed my number/email/follower count by simply not engaging. You live and you learn — and sometimes all it takes is a journey down journal lane.

Check out her 4 Medium pubs: BlackTechLogy, I Do See Color, Tickled and We Need to Talk. (Doggone World and Homegrown are now on Substack.) Visit Shamontiel.com