I think I have run into too many disappointing situations to be digging around for money. I gave a guy near the train money once, and he just kept bugging me from that point on. The next time I saw him, I gave him a bean pie I’d made from scratch (I made two for that purpose alone) and he smiled and left me alone. Either he hated bean pies, hated my cooking or realized I would rather give him the food than the money for the food.

Then I was in a movie theater and tried to slip $1 into a woman’s hands while she was kinda nodding off. She screamed, “Are you trying to touch my vagina?” and I jumped back. She saw the dollar and I told her I oughta ask for it back and stormed off. I gave up after that.

I’d just purchased soup and bread from a restaurant and saw a lady sitting outside. I asked her if she wanted it and pointed to the restaurant I just left. Sitting on the ground and clearly homeless, she rolled her eyes and said, “I had soup yesterday.”

Sigh. These kinds of moments will stick with you and make it harder for you to argue with people who say “they don’t need it.” But I’m still trying. I’d rather donate to organizations than people most of the time though. Or donate things. I was on my way home and hobbling around in some new shoes that were killing my feet. I was over them. I asked a homeless guy if he knew any women who wore a size 7 1/2. He nodded and said he did. I gave him the shoes off my feet and walked two blocks home barefoot. I was done. I don’t know what he did with those shoes, but he was so surprised that I gave him an almost brand new pair of sandals. It just wasn’t worth it to me.

I like material items, but I don’t love them. But money is tricky for me because I want to know it’ll be used for whatever you tell me it’s going to be used for. Then again, as my Toastmasters president and my mother have said in conversation, once they give out the money, it’s not their business what happens to it. I’d still rather give you the shoes off my feet though — even if they’re new.

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Check out her five Medium publications: Doggone World, Homegrown, I Do See Color, Tickled and We Need to Talk. Visit Shamontiel.com to read about her.

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