The rule of thumb is this: if we’re always behaving with a devout loyalty to our partner in mind and they still exhibit a continuing pattern of possessive jealousy, it’s safe to say the problem is much deeper than what laypersons can solve, and we should analyze why we subscribe to that pattern and engage with it as we do.
I have said on many occasions that jealous people ONLY need to date other jealous people. They are the only group who understands each other’s crazy. I dated a jealous guy one time who wanted me to get rid of two male friends who I’d been cool with for 10+ years and another in a totally different state. It was absolutely exhausting, and we had only been dating a little over a month. We battled nonstop. There is a passage in Trevor Noah’s book from his mom that perfectly described that relationship. She said:
The traditional man wants a woman to be subservient, but he never falls in love with subservient women. He’s attracted to independent women.
“He’s like an exotic bird collector,” she said. “He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage.”