I have never worn weave in my entire life nor will I. I just have no desire to put someone else’s hair in my head. With that said, I’ve had a relaxer on my own hair since I was six, so it’s not like I’m Team Natural. I preface that so you understood where my comment is coming from.

I winced when I got to this part, primarily because regardless of my own views on weave, it’s also not going in my own head. I would never loudly announce this to someone. I’ve heard a few folks with naturals insinuate that women with relaxers or weaves must hate their own hair. I pondered on that one, primarily because I relax my hair maybe a solid four times a year. (My past beauticians would lose their minds knowing that, especially considering at least two insisted on touch-ups every four weeks.) I don’t hate my hair. I just like the manageability of a relaxer, even though my hair is thick as hell regardless. People have asked me is my hair “naturally” the way it is even after I’d left a salon. It made me wonder “why am I relaxing my hair again?” Looks the same.

It also made me ponder whether I was projecting those same judgmental attitudes onto those who wear weave. For me, the difference used to be that dying, straightening, curling, crimping, perming and bleaching your own hair growing from your head was so much different than weave — the latter was someone else’s hair entirely. But the truth of the matter is even when my brother and mom went natural and had locks, they were still doing all kinds of twisting, curling and braiding. And of course there are a few who dye their locks blond, tan and other colors.

Nowadays, the only time I am disappointed is when people look annoyed by their own hair. For example, if you have been pulled into “Real Housewives of Atlanta,” I was legitimately disappointed when Kandi Burruss talked about how “boring” her hair was during Nene’s “no weave” party. Cynthia tried to add hair in. And women came in defending their own hair way too much. It made me uncomfortable to see women feeling so much need to excuse their own hair. Now that’s the only time that I’m disappointed in a woman wearing a weave — when she wears it so much that she has to defend herself when it’s not in her head. Other than that, IDGAF. It sounds like you are all over the map and as comfortable with your own hair as you are others. So I don’t quite understand this lady’s assumption that you don’t love your own hair. It seems out of left field.

P.S. The next time someone asks you to bring them coffee, put ice cubes in it. Bring it cold. Mess up the sugar and the cream. They’ll think you don’t know how and leave you the hell alone. :-)

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Check out her five Medium publications: Doggone World, Homegrown, I Do See Color, Tickled and We Need to Talk. Visit Shamontiel.com to read about her.

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