I have never in my entire life heard anyone who was born in America call it “the states.” We barely even say the “United States.” We usually narrow it down to the city or state, but you can keep that falsehood going if you want to. You should have just asked me why I refuse a tip instead of making that assumption. When I said I refuse it for bad service, I meant the actual server’s attitude, not things like a wait in food or a dirty bathroom, etc. Things that the restaurant is responsible for would be something that I’d take up with a manager.
Most restaurants I frequent have owners who know me by name and know I always tip 15% or 20%. But I said what I said, and I’m not budging on horrendous service. Servers who think they did me a great big service for coming to work can just be mad. (As far as your comment about meal items, if the waiter took the order, it doesn’t hurt to double check. I can’t count the number of times a waitress has come back to tell me there’d be a small wait because something was missing and name it. If carryout reps can compare the receipt order to what’s in the bag, so can waiters. I don’t skip tips for simple mistakes. I skip them for people with terrible attitudes.)