Hi Meghann! I’ll respond to your replies, but I wanted to first tell you what inspired the post. I’ve actually lucked out and am in a family with blood relatives who never press me about not having children. It’s a major relief. However, there was a non-blood relative who inspired the post. I was so proud of buying a new condo and invited her over to show her the decor. I’d puffed my chest all out for having my “first mortgage” and being all grown-up-like. She wasn’t here for five minutes before she asked why I didn’t have an extra room for a baby, how she had a dream I was pregnant and wondered why don’t I get lonely.

I paused and just looked at her and sighed. I’m used to strangers and people who just meet me asking questions like this — not people who’ve known me for years. First I asked her, “Do you see that big rectangle with the two gold circles on it? What’s amazing is that thing opens and closes. I can just invite people over and touch it, and pow! They appear!” This was the first time I”d ever heard anyone believe I had to be “lonely” to not have children. She went on to say that she’d never be lonely because she comes home to her husband and kids. It was just the snarkiest visit ever. I had a conversation with her months afterward. She gave me an (empty) apology, but still, that never set in with me quite right. Still doesn’t.

She wanted to be the mother of at least five or 10 kids. But I definitely had to be honest with her and say, “That’s cool that you want that. But I don’t want to be you. I never have wanted to be you and never will.” And now on to the other part of your message.

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Check out her five Medium publications: Doggone World, Homegrown, I Do See Color, Tickled and We Need to Talk. Visit Shamontiel.com to read about her.

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