Carter, thanks for weighing in. I still stand by the fact that outside of race, I did indeed consider him a good (work) friend. Stand-up dude. Easy to talk to. Funny as hell. He was as cool as the two girls I mentioned. With that said, I definitely should’ve distanced myself by the time I got to the “wrong hair” and “Buckwheat” comments. Interestingly, he got why that was so disrespectful from the expression on my face. I was too offended to even say anything. I got a genuine apology from that. Damage was done, but hell, all folks can do is apologize.
Somebody else on another comment board said something like, “Why did you keep letting the disrespect fly?” I tried to explain it a little like this: “When people don’t know how ignorant they sound, it’s a bit easier to be patient as opposed to someone who absolutely positively knows they’re racist AF.” There were definitely moments (ex. “dreadlocks are dirty hair”) where I thought, “Somebody needs to smooth punch him in the face.” Then there were other times where the weight of his words just came off more naive (i.e. HBCUs) and delusional than self-hatred.
That friendship has long ago sailed off. I still wish him all the best in life, but I think the last thing I said to the man was, “F**k you and your racist a** friends, too” so yeah, my patience definitely did go out of the window. Quite frankly, being raised in a FOX News household with a clearly “what are you mixed with?” face, I think he has long ago decided “passing” was just an easier way to survive. To each his own.
P.S. Thank you for saying I’m “lovely.” My mother would laugh hysterically and say, “She’s got you all fooled!” Still though, I’m going to box that comment up and keep it in my pocket. :-)